Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Express Yourself!

"Then you'll know your love is real!" (Madonna)

My wife and I were talking about a conversation I had with my boy, Josiah, tonight. He had congratulated me (again) on my studio. He's really excited about it and I try to open up to him whenever he expresses himself to me with enthusiasm (or not). So I was talking to him as I was moving away from the living room into my studio (into what was formerly the garage) and as I sat down, the last thing I said (I think it was something like, "I'm really glad you like it, Josiah! You're the greatest too!") echoed off the walls and I heard this strangely childlike voice... and I thought, that was weird.

But my wife doesn't think so.

She says, "I think it's great the way that you express yourself. It's childlike and expressive and that's what guys are missing - that expressiveness. Guys just don't know how to open up express themselves and say what they feel and it's just like,.... they're WEIRD! (ha ha!) And you shouldn't try to change it or feel bad about it or anything! 'Cos it's wonderful and I love it!

Ain't she cool?

Saturday, March 27, 2004

worship again

Blog for Tuesday, March 23 2004

Psa. 30:0 A Psalm of David: dedication-song of the house. 1 I will extol thee, Jehovah; for thou hast delivered me, and hast not made mine enemies to rejoice over me. 2 Jehovah my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me. 3 Jehovah, thou hast brought up my soul from Sheol, thou hast quickened me from among those that go down to the pit. 4 Sing psalms unto Jehovah, ye saints of his, and give thanks in remembrance of his holiness. 5 For a moment [is passed] in his anger, a life in his favour; at even weeping cometh for the night, and at morn there is rejoicing.

I've had a life of worship... I don't know if you understand what this is like, though, so let me explain (although any explanation is NOTHING like the experiencing!) -

Contrary to the preposterous claims of Darwin and your sad college professors, we are made from the breath of a Being who intimately, consciously and (quite) intelligently created everything you see (and can't see). Therefore... (it would stand to reason) one of our highest purposes is fulfilled in connecting with that Person of Source on an intimate level...

And ANY time I engage my soul in the endeavor... BAM! The Creator floods my being with the most amazing joy and fulfillment!

It's really rather amazing. Just saying thanks for the life, death and resurrection of His Son, for instance.... well, it's an extremely powerful connection with my Source, the Creator of all things seen and unseen.

"Thank You, God... Thank You, thank You, thank You... You're so awesome... Thank You for what You've done! Thank You!"

You've acted as silly with a loved one you were grateful to... what's the difference in being so bold with your Maker?

- - - - - - -

But, as Bob Dylan says, "times they are a changin'." And, for me, life is much different now than it was a few years ago. Michelle and I have had a few more children (we are now FAR out numbered by the little people!) and my Mom left for heaven in 2001 (thankfully, just before 9-11) and my Dad in 2003. Because of the painful juxtaposition of celebrating the life of my children in the face of losing my parents to horribly painful deaths, I've lost (almost) all practice of this lifestyle of worship.

But, thanks to that life in my children... and the neverending grace of God, the innocent dance and song of worshipping the Most High is calling to me again. And this morning I'm probing my soul for an answer.

What is this strange process of grieving and loss that's happening inside of me? Is it unending? Is there healing... Is there restoration to my life of praise and worship - those intimate creative exchanges with the Giver of "every good and perfect gift" (James 1:17) whom I miss so?

James also says there can be "no variation, nor turning shadow" in Him... and I believe there is an end to this cycle of loss, grieving and healing... and I'm goin' for it.

Like my bros and sisters of color in the city, it's time for this white boy to be a soul man and shout,

"let my hands and feet join in the song and dance - I'm just gonna praise Him - I'm gonna praise Him..."

Saturday, March 6, 2004

Nuance

My boy and my girl entertained me on the piano this morning...

in between "Static Shock" and "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"!

The "pianoforte" (as it was first named) is such a valiant instrument... it's wood and steel ring true and pure into our senses.

One particular moment occurred with both Josiah and Grace this morning... that moment when the sounds of the strings pierce your heart with their simplicity and intrinsic peculiarity of resonance. The piano speaks better quietly, perhaps. And maybe that's the reason that the "forte" was dropped from its name.

Grace had been pounding away ("fingers only!" is my only rule!) with gleeful abandon... then she stopped to announce a special movement of her performance - "a Cinderella song."

She played delicately a song. She paused after some tinkling of the higher notes and asked,

"Can you tell what Cinderella is doing?"

I said "Dancing down the stairs."

"No! She's Dancing with her handsome PRINCE!"

She's a self-made girl. I love that. (Got the dancing part right, though, didn't I? :-D )

After noticing how she was able to communicate (somewhat) with her music, a wonderfully mature expression came over her 3 year old face and she listened... really listened... to the sounds she was making. At one point she had slowed to striking a single string... and smiled at the sound.

That's the nuance I'm talking about.

The intimate, delicate delight in music, sight, ambient noise, expression, human moments, animal frolic, design excellence, and so much more... the sheer joy that comes from beholding something good...

Like Yeshua experienced (in His pre-incarnate state) after muddling around with the substance of matter -

"And God saw everything He had made and, behold, it was very good." Genesis 1:31

Not just "good," but "very good." His gentle nuance crowned all creation... with humanity... very good.

This challenges me. I want to thrive in that creative nuance. I'm so grateful for these moments, when my boys, my girl and my beautiful wife (who loves to spin in the living room with our children) deeply move me to express myself... to lavishly, exuberantly and passionately express myself.

Touching the strings... with grace... just like my son and daughter!

Monday, March 1, 2004

first impression living

We forget.

My boy, Josiah, dances. He dances like... well, a lot like Billy Elliot now... and with certain sparks of the likes of Gene Kelly and Gregory Hines! The latest thing I captured on video, for instance, shows the little guy (just 5) dancing with a hat! The hat doesn't leave him for longer than a moment. And he's constantly got his hands on it, flipping and turning the prop. The rest of his body is doing a combination of Buster Keaton slapstick and the above mentioned - dancing, literally, on the walls!

And this is what's inside of us. We are dancers. We are Jazz dancers, baby. We can turn any rythym, any contorted moment into a symphony of coordination and flash. We are human... it's what humans do best -

I M P R oh V I Z E!

So live by your first impressions... "walk humbly with your God, do justice, love mercy" and DANCE OUT your good urges!

(above passage from Micah 6:8)