worship again

Blog for Tuesday, March 23 2004

Psa. 30:0 A Psalm of David: dedication-song of the house. 1 I will extol thee, Jehovah; for thou hast delivered me, and hast not made mine enemies to rejoice over me. 2 Jehovah my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me. 3 Jehovah, thou hast brought up my soul from Sheol, thou hast quickened me from among those that go down to the pit. 4 Sing psalms unto Jehovah, ye saints of his, and give thanks in remembrance of his holiness. 5 For a moment [is passed] in his anger, a life in his favour; at even weeping cometh for the night, and at morn there is rejoicing.

I've had a life of worship... I don't know if you understand what this is like, though, so let me explain (although any explanation is NOTHING like the experiencing!) -

Contrary to the preposterous claims of Darwin and your sad college professors, we are made from the breath of a Being who intimately, consciously and (quite) intelligently created everything you see (and can't see). Therefore... (it would stand to reason) one of our highest purposes is fulfilled in connecting with that Person of Source on an intimate level...

And ANY time I engage my soul in the endeavor... BAM! The Creator floods my being with the most amazing joy and fulfillment!

It's really rather amazing. Just saying thanks for the life, death and resurrection of His Son, for instance.... well, it's an extremely powerful connection with my Source, the Creator of all things seen and unseen.

"Thank You, God... Thank You, thank You, thank You... You're so awesome... Thank You for what You've done! Thank You!"

You've acted as silly with a loved one you were grateful to... what's the difference in being so bold with your Maker?

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But, as Bob Dylan says, "times they are a changin'." And, for me, life is much different now than it was a few years ago. Michelle and I have had a few more children (we are now FAR out numbered by the little people!) and my Mom left for heaven in 2001 (thankfully, just before 9-11) and my Dad in 2003. Because of the painful juxtaposition of celebrating the life of my children in the face of losing my parents to horribly painful deaths, I've lost (almost) all practice of this lifestyle of worship.

But, thanks to that life in my children... and the neverending grace of God, the innocent dance and song of worshipping the Most High is calling to me again. And this morning I'm probing my soul for an answer.

What is this strange process of grieving and loss that's happening inside of me? Is it unending? Is there healing... Is there restoration to my life of praise and worship - those intimate creative exchanges with the Giver of "every good and perfect gift" (James 1:17) whom I miss so?

James also says there can be "no variation, nor turning shadow" in Him... and I believe there is an end to this cycle of loss, grieving and healing... and I'm goin' for it.

Like my bros and sisters of color in the city, it's time for this white boy to be a soul man and shout,

"let my hands and feet join in the song and dance - I'm just gonna praise Him - I'm gonna praise Him..."